Never in a million years did I ever think that I would have a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. I always thought that I would have a perfect marriage, a perfect little home with a white picket fence, and well-behaved genius children that always used their manners and ironed their own clothes.
Boy was I wrong!
From the moment my second child was born, I just knew something was different about him. From the way he cried when he came in to the world, to the way that he always became overstimulated and was intolerant to loud noises something was just off. He crawled at 5 months, didn’t walk until 15 months. He talked at 9 months, but at almost age three he still lacks fundamental pragmatic language. Repetitive activities, sensory issues, constant parroting… he did it all. The meltdowns that would happen daily for up to an hour at a time were just about killing me, and no one but me thought that there could be a problem.
I had my third child in August of 2010, so naturally I had to focus a lot of energy on myself and a new baby. But once October rolled around, I decided that since my son’s issues weren’t improving that it was time to have a heart to heart with my Pediatrician.
There was never anything glaringly wrong with my son to any Medical Professional during exams, and nothing ever came up as a red flag on the Autism Screening Questionnaires that I would fill out at all of his Doctors appointments. But I still had my suspicions, and kept thinking that he fit all of the criteria for Asperger Syndrome. When I brought it up to my Pediatrician my son was 2 years and 4 months old, he said that he knew that my son had been a challenging child, and agreed that I should seek an in depth evaluation with a Pediatric Neurodevelopmental Specialist, as well as refer myself to my local Regional Center Office.
We visited the Pediatric Neurodevelopmental Specialist (aka Neurologist) for a total of three months before our Doctor felt comfortable making any sort of diagnosis for my son. This was also after numerous speech, behavioral and occupational therapy evaluations. The puzzle pieces all fit together, and it became official: My son has an Autism Spectrum Disorder.
When I got the official diagnosis, I have to be honest- I wasn’t upset at all. I actually felt relieved. It meant that I wasn’t a bad parent, that I wasn’t crazy, and that I could finally get the help that my son needs. Sure, it’s stressful having to participate in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy, Applied Behavioral Analysis Therapy, Occupational Therapy Appointments, and planning for his first IEP Meeting. This is all on top of my normal full-time job, as well as taking care of my other two children, my husband and our household. But it’s so worth it. Since we started Early Intervention Services two months ago, we are seeing improvement. It may be small, but it’s noticeable to me and to my Husband, as well as family members.
This whole process has been a little hard for my husband to accept, though. My son is a carbon copy of my Husband in every way possible, and my husband feels responsible for providing my son with the genetic material necessary for his condition. My husband has not received a formal diagnosis, but according to the therapists that we work with as well as my son’s Neurologist my husband likely has the same condition. He is obviously very well adjusted, and lives a normal life like many of us do. My husband knows it’s not his fault that he and my son have Asperger Syndrome, just like I know it’s not my fault from anything that I did while pregnant or while he was a baby. It’s not from a vaccine, it’s not because he ingested something toxic, it’s not because I fed him some non-organic fruit. It’s just the way he is. We don’t consider it a disability by any means, he just has different strengths than the average person does. With some hard work to provide our son with the extra support he needs, our little Aspie can grow and flourish in to a wonderfully successful person. As all parents of children with Autism Spectrum Disorders know, early intervention is key. I am certainly lucky enough to have the intuition to know that something wasn’t right, for many children are not diagnosed with the type of Autism that my son has until age 8- mainly because most parents rationalize that the symptoms are a “phase” or “normal” for their child’s age. Let’s face it, Autism is such a hot-button word with parents, and many others, think of it as a death sentence.
But alas, here we are… and April is Autism Awareness Month. I feel so lucky to have such an amazing little boy in my life, and so privileged to have been able to obtain the help that he needs. But I know that not everyone is so lucky. That’s why this month (and every month!) is so important to spread the word about what Autism is, and the many different ways that it can present itself. But I think that most of all, April should be about acceptance of Autism and treating those affected by it as people (not disabled people). Children and adults on the spectrum are truly exceptional individuals, and should be treated as such.
Heck, I married one. And meeting him was the best thing that ever happened to me.
