46 Mommas is the name of a group of women who want desperately to help their children who’ve been diagnosed with cancer. On September 21, 2011, the 46 Mommas will gather in Washington, D.C. to shave their heads in solidarity with their children and to bring awareness to the fact that each weekday, 46 families are told that their child has cancer.
That heartbreaking statistic is what moved them to join this coalition to “Shave for the Brave”, and one of the 46 Mommas, Susan Heard, has agreed to share her story with us here.
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I am Susan Heard, one of 46 Mommas who will brave a shave to conquer kids cancer on Wednesday. Many people, especially women, cannot believe that I plan to shave myself bald to raise awareness for kids cancer. But I can. My son David was diagnosed with Stage IV Neuroblastoma in October of 2008. As his body was tortured by toxic medicines to kill the cancer and his body was ravaged by side effects there was nothing I could do except stand by and let it happen. Without these drugs he would most certainly die. As a mother, who grew a baby for forty weeks and nursed for over a year to ensure the very best start to her child’s life, I had to take a back seat and let the doctors bring David back to health. I held his hand, I comforted him with words, I loved him, I made sure he had foods on hand that he could eat, I was his cheerleader.
But I was also helpless to fix this cancer. And I felt powerless and totally out of control of the life we had built together. In March of 2009, David was an honored kid at a local St. Baldrick’s event where he told his story. And then he told me to shave my head! So I did and it was the most empowering experience during his entire illness. I could take a stand against cancer. I could be the voice to raise awareness. I could choose to be bald to support David! This I could do. And we battled on, and on, and on. David died on February 10, 2011. Just before his death he gave me a list of things he needed from me-which included my continued participation with the 46 Mommas 2011 class. He wanted me to keep raising money because he always had hope that a cure could be found. So I have done that with the help of so many generous friends! So far I’ve raised over $45,000!!! I am shaving to honor my commitment to David even as he was dying. He asked me to use my head and my voice to change the face of childhood cancer. Wednesday is my day to do that in a very public way and I cannot wait!
This shave will be very different then the first time. When David asked me to shave he was considered NED (no evidence of disease). We were so happy for his health and embracing life with every turn! Since his death, I’ve been so lost. I am unsure of how to make meaning out of my life that is missing my very sweet baby. I feel vulnerable, anxious, hurt, scared and so very, very sad. I miss David-his energy, his spark, his humor, his fashion and music sense! I miss the engaging conversations, our trips to the book store and movies and dinner. There is a big hole in my heart because this child I created and nurtured is gone. So the shave Wednesday is in part a way for me to begin to heal. To meet David’s final wishes for me. To show him I am still brave and still willing to have hope even though science failed him. I don’t want to have other families hear “your child has cancer and there is nothing we can do.” I will raise money and shave my head as often as I can to make a difference and take a stand and have a voice for my son, who at age 10 left this world to soon.
There is no known cure for relapsed Neuroblastoma. I want there to be a cure in my lifetime. So I hope to feel a sense of healing after I shave. A sense that I did something-that I continue to embrace life the way David did! My wish is that my bald head will give me a clean start to enter the next phase of grieving. To turn my hurt into action, and make a difference in the world of childhood cancer. My hair will grow back, but David will not come back so I need to keep moving forward. To live in this new reality I hope my clean shaven head will give me the courage I need do just that; embrace life and live big as David did! Check out David and I at the March 2009 shave and wait for my September 2011 dome pic coming very soon!
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This is a guest post by Susan Heard, one of the Brave 46 Mommas.
I am so sorry for the pain and suffering these families are forced to go through. They are tough and courageous women. Thank you for telling their story.
Aren’t they amazing? I feel so moved by them and their courage.