How To Be a Good Husband/Boyfriend/Man
I walked into the kitchen this morning and found this hanging on the cabinets above the dishwasher :
I laughed, then I was horrified, then I laughed again. As you can see, I was able to find this week’s goal all laid out for me. Drink more water? Nah, I’m gonna “be a little gay and little more interesting.” Talk about a challenge!
So it’s probably high time we created one of these for our men. I’ll attach a downloadable PDF version at the end you can post for your dude. Enjoy!
HOW TO BE A GOOD HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND/MAN
Most importantly, be nice. All the time.
Smile like you just won the lottery every time you see your lady.
Have dinner ready. Make something healthy and delightful that not only tastes great, but is low in calories, high in protein, and gluten free. Please have it on the table when she walks in the door–she has been fantasizing about taking her heels off all day, and the extra steps to the kitchen may push her over the edge. Most women skip lunch in favor of working, so show her you care with a warm meal.
Prepare yourself. Take a shower and little disco nap (no more than 15 minutes) so you’ll be fresh when she arrives. Don’t forget to groom facial hair, apply deodorant and body lotion, and brush your teeth. Apply product to your hair and dress yourself in a clean outfit. She has been looking at men in ill fitting khakis with pit stains all day, and she deserves a lovely view when she arrives home. Be chipper and a little more interesting than you are normally–her boring day may need a little lift, and it’s your responsibility to make sure she’s happy.
Clean the house. Pick up all the junk, and put it where it goes (not in the hamper or the closet). Run a dust cloth over the tables (use the spray) and have the Roomba dance around the house. Spray a little Febreeze so she can believe the house is immaculate–she will feel as if she has reached a haven of rest and order, and this will give you a lift too!
Prepare the children: give those stinkers a bath and put them in freshly washed jammies. Make sure homework is done, teeth are brushed, and they are ready for bed. Nothing makes a woman more cross then coming home to disorder and the “nighttime routine.”
Minimize all noise: at the time of her arrival have all machinery settled and relaxing music playing in the background. You know her better than anyone, so have her favorite Pandora station on as she arrives. If you don’t know, ask her friend or Google it. Take some initiative and sort it out.
DON’TS: Do not greet her with problems or complaints. Do not make her feel bad if she is late, this is nothing compared with the stresses of her day. Do not let her “take over” when she walks in–handing her the baby or saying “thank goodness you are home, I’m exhausted” will not ensure a relaxing entry. Do not plop yourself down in a chair until she is happily eating and invites you to join her. If she does not, it means you should continue with the cleaning of the kitchen and other tasks. Do not leave your Qtips in the sink after you clean your ears, and please make sure there is always toilet paper on the rolls. An empty toilet paper tube at the end of a long day is sure to make for an unhappy lady.
Have a cocktail or hot tea waiting for her–again, you should know her preference. This is your job.
Make the evening hers: Never complain if she doesn’t take you to fancy restaurants or other places of entertainment. Part of her job is to socialize and entertain, and her home life should not include more work. She needs to relax and catch up on Downton Abbey in peace, so try to understand her needs. This is not a time for your shows, so don’t even suggest it. Save it for tomorrow while you fold laundry–this is what DVRs are for.
The goal here is to create an oasis of peace and serenity where your woman will feel refreshed and renewed at the end of each and every stressful day. When she’s happy, you are happy, so make this your life’s goal and everything will be fantastic.